Some Scars Never Fade
by Anyankta
Summary: Celestia grieves over the loss of the one she loves.


It was so unfair, in Celestia's opinion. Everything she wanted was so close, yet so far out of reach. Kai Charlton for instance. She loved him more than the world. And for a brief moment in her crappy little life she had, he was hers. Of course, it was gone in a flash. He dumped her the instant Anya wanted him back.

For one week in her pitiful existence, Celestia believed that she could be loved. For one week, she was happy. But Kai left her, suddenly agreeing that she was the whore everyone said she was. How he got off saying that, she didn't know. After all- He was the one that slept with her! But that wasn't the point. It still hurt, hearing him call her all those nasty things. That's what sent her over the edge.

So here she was, walking through the snow wrapped in a thin coat and one of Kai's shirts. She had stolen it the first night they had actually slept together. It was rather big on her. She was a bit shorter, and a lot thinner. Also, he had broader shoulders. She also had a pair of shorts on, underneath. She didn't seem to realize it was freezing out, and she was treading through at least six inches of snow. At least it froze her pain- for a little while.

It seemed forever for her to get to her destination. In fact, id did take at least an hour in the snow. Finally, she reached the door of a small flat. Knocking with as much force as the shivering girl could muster, she opened it, not caring if she was walking in on Lucius and Nirak fucking. It wouldn't be the first time. But silence met her ears.

"Niri? Luce? Are you here? Anyone?" Her voice was soft, scared sounding. As if she was on the verge of a breakdown.

"Nirak? Lucius!" She croaked again. "Please?" As if that would help.

"Fine…I'll just wait here. Wait for you." A soft whimper escaped her throat as she sank down onto the couch. Her skin was burning, because of the sudden warmth against her cold skin.

Teeth chattering, she closed her eyes. Why couldn't he be here when she needed him most? He was her friend! He'd understand… He'd make her feel better. Still whimpering, she opened her eyes, violet optics searching the room. And then something caught her eye.

On the kitchen counter, a small razor. One that went into a utility knife. That meant it'd be sharp enough. It didn't take a genius to know what it was sharp enough for.

In a trance like state, she stood, slowly walking into the kitchen. Breath quickening, she bit her lip as her fingers grabbed the thin, cold metal.

It was extremely sharp- A new blade, probably. That would make things easier. Quicker. Or so she hoped.

Eyes clenched shut; she pressed it to her vein, until it dug in, sliding slowly, painfully across. It hurt more than she imagined it would. Tears welled up, but she didn't let them fall. With what little movement in her left arm she still had, Celestia repeated her actions on her right wrist, sinking slowly to the ground. Blood was spilling over her wrists, onto the kitchen floor, and she sobbed softly.

She deserved this. This was her punishment for being a bad person.

And then the door opened. There was the sound of what was evidently Nirak and Lucius kissing, and then a high-pitched scream that came from Nirak.

The next thing Celestia knew, she was being picked up as if she was weightless. Must've been Niri whose arms she was in. Luce was a weakling.

"Tia, what the fuck 'ave you done?" He muttered, desperately searching his pockets one handed for his wand.

"I'm sorry for bleeding on your floor…and you," she replied weakly.

That brought a slight sobbing noise to Nirak's throat, but at that moment he found his wand. He was surprised they didn't get splinched from his lack of concentration, when they showed up in St Mungos. He had to scream at the healers before they actually took her in.

About three days later, they finally let Nirak in to see her. He had offered for Luce to come, but he didn't want to. He would have felt safer if Luce had come though. He hated hospitals. But Tia was like his sister, so he was willing to make some sacrifices.

The first thing he said when walked into her room was, "Why the fuck di' you try'n kill yourself?"

Amethyst eyes opened, and stared at him. "I…I don't know. I wasn't thinking straight. And…And Kai left me. The instant Anya said she wanted him back." She bit her lip to stop the tears from coming again.

"I…Thank you… for saving me I mean."

Nirak sighed, sinking into the chair beside her. She looked like hell. Her hair wasn't as shiny as usual, and looked like it hadn't been combed since she first came in. Her skin was pale, and there were several IV tubes and a feeding tube hooked up to her. She had been too thin before she was brought in, and since she couldn't use her hands yet, there was no other way to feed her. You couldn't see it, but there were stitches on her wrists. The scars would never go away, even with the most advanced magic.

"Yeah well… I couldn' very well leave you there bleedin' on my floor," he muttered.

"You're mad at me, aren't you?" Her voice was soft, guilty sounding.

He glared at her, with cold metallic eyes. "Of course I'm fuckin' mad. I'm pissed! Don't you /ever/ scare me like that again. I love you. Not in the way I love Luce 'Course. You're like a sister to me. 'N I don't wanna have to lose you. 'Sides. Sonj'll kill me if you get hurt."

Celestia sighed, looking up at him. "I'm sorry Niri. Really. I..I was stupid. I shouldn't have gotten so upset over a guy… It's just… you weren't there and I wasn't thinking straight… And…I'm sorry."

The man next to her sighed, pushing her bangs out of her eyes since she obviously couldn't. "You need some rest. I'm gonna go get that idiot into his right mind." By that idiot, he meant Kai.

Of course, Nirak held true to his word. As soon as Celestia was asleep, he left the hospital and stormed off to Hogwarts. Sonja managed to get Kai in for a private conference, supposedly over prefect business. But when Kai got there, he found a really pissed off Nirak Dragon.

"What are you doing here?" Kai demanded, staying close to the door. Nirak just glared at him.

"Come on. You're comin' With me to Sain' Mungos."

Kai stared at Nirak. No way in hell! He didn't like Nirak. Mostly cause he was big, scary, and gay. "Why the hell should I come with you?" The olive skinned lad questioned, giving Nirak a suspicious look.

Nirak grumbled softly. "Cause Celestia's in the hospital, no thanks t'you."

Much to Kai's dismay, he was suddenly alarmed. "What! But… I didn't do anything to her!"

The eighteen-year-old glowered at him. "She fuckin' tried to kill 'erself cause you dumped her. I think that qualifies as doin' somethin' to her."

The Ravenclaw visibly paled. "But…I…. Shit," he muttered. And so he found himself being dragged out of the castle, down the path, to the edge of the grounds where they apparated to Saint Mungos.

"You can go in and see her yourself," Nirak snarled, pushing Kai in the direction of Tia's room, making himself comfortable in the lobby of the Hospital.

Somehow Kai managed to find his way to her room, and slowly opened the door.

"You're such a bloody idiot," was the first thing out of his mouth. However, there was evident concern in his voice.

She tried to sit up, wincing at the pressure this caused on her wrists. "I asked the doctors not to let you in… All you're going to do is insult me."

Ever so slowly, he walked across the room, to the chair next to her bed. "I think Nirak forced them to let me in, actually… Damn it Celestia. Why? Why did you do this?"

"I love you." Three words, three words that explained everything. "I've always loved you. You know that. _She_ knows that." _She_ was also known as Anya. "For that one week… I thought they were all wrong. That someone could actually love me. I was a fool, to put it plainly."

"But that's no reason to kill yourself!"

"I always thought that you would never say those things to me, Kai. Thought that you'd just ignore me! I would have been happier that way. But.. You proved me wrong. Dumped me like yesterdays trash, just like everyone else did. I couldn't handle it. I still can't," she whispered, eyes wide, brimming with tears as she said it. "You have no idea how much it /hurts/ to have the one you love hate you, and think you're a whore."

He frowned, running a hand through his thorny blond locks. "I don't hate you."

"You're only here because Nirak threatened you."

"That's-"

Celestia bit her lip, desperately trying to stop the tears from falling. "It's no use denying it, Kai. We both know it. Just leave…Please. Tell Nirak I told you too. If he doesn't believe you, tell him to talk to me. Just leave. It makes it harder for me, seeing you."

"But-"

"Please!" She moved to wipe away the tears from her face, but found she didn't have enough mobility. Kai sighed, leaning over and lightly brushing the salty drops away.

"I don't hate you. Anya might, but I don't completely hate you… Get better, Yeah?"

"As if I have a choice," Celestia replied, looking away. "And… If anyone at school asks…Tell them I was attacked, that I'm sick, anything. Just don't tell them the truth….If it's not too much trouble," she murmured.

Kai nodded, concerned Blue eyes looking down at her from the doorway. "I won't tell them. You can trust me."

It was two months before she was finally declared healthy and sane enough to return to school. Most people had heard she had been attacked by a werewolf. The only people who knew about the truth were Nirak, Lucius, Kai, Sonja, and Dumbledore, and of course, her self. Within a few years, the scars faded so they weren't as noticeable, but every time she looked at Kai, she could feel it. Feel the razor, ripping into her skin, and the feeling of what it was like dying, and everything else.

Some scars would never fade.


End file.
